Star Wars: The Fornication Awakens
by hahaharrypulp
Summary: How the Star Wars series should have continued. Disgusting, insane, and terrible. You have been warned.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Princess Lay Yah and Hand Solo were in Jabba the Hut's chamber. A droid interpreted for Jabba.

"It's been a long time Hand still owe me money. I have not forgotten. Bring him to me!" Jabba commanded.

Lay Yah watched horrified as Jabba opened his wide mouth and Hand Solo was shoved inside. A couple of bites later and it was all over.

"No! You monster! Lay Yah sobbed. She rushed towards Jabba to attack him but was grabbed by some Star Wars creature.

"Boohga Dooga Dookie." Jabba spoke.

The droid interpreted. "Jabba has saved your slave costume he wants you to put it on."

"I'll never wear that costume again!" Lay Yah was furious.

"Pookie Dookie Dildo Targereyans Poo Poo Pee Pee Dookie Poopy Pot Groot Poonani Bum Bum Dookie."

"Yes, you will." The droid interpreted again.

Lay Yah was taken away. Jabba licked his large tongue in anticipation. She returned several minutes later in her slave costume. It was like a slutty bikini with metal stuff on it. She was a little older so her boobs were saggy and her ass was flat but it looked ok for her age.

Lay Yah was pushed forward. "I'll kill you for this Jabba." Jabba laughed.

"You tried that before and failed." The droid spoke. "Jabba was still alive after you tried to choke him. Now he will have his revenge."

Lay Yah was pushed forward. Jabba stuck out his slimy tongue and licked Lay Yah's body.

The Hut race had no real sexual organs. Their whole body was a erogenous zone. Jabba shuffled forward and flopped down on Lay Yah crushing her. He moaned, "Dookie Bookie Lannister Pookie Do." Lay Yah couldn't breathe. She knew this was the end. Being crushed by a giant walking tub of lard.

"Rreheehhsdsddthhh" Lay Yah tried to scream.

She felt a mini earthquake as Jabba began to jiggle, shaking the entire room.

"Bum Bum Westeros Dookie." Jabba sighed in relief.

A Klingon helped move Jabba's Body off of Lay Yah.

"Uh-Oh" Jabba said in surprise.

Lay Yah was sunken into the floor. Her body was as flat as a pancake. Her eyes expressing horror.

The Klingon and Droid got a giant futuristic looking spatula and began scraping her off the floor.

Meanwhile Obi-Won, Jar Jar Stinks, Queen Amygdala, Mace Windex, Yoda, R2-D2, and C3POH were on a mission from the republic.

"Land our spaceship in that clearing there on Middle Earth." Obe-Won commanded. They landed in a clearing and some small alien humans with big feet came out. "Who are you?" A hobbit asked.

"I am Obe-Won-Konami. These are some of my fellow Jedi and friends from the Republican. We've heard there is a dangerous Sithpthh on this planet."

"A disturbance in the force I sense. Know the way I do." Yoda says.

A female hobbit approached R2-D2. "Beep boo beep boo." R2-D2 said. The girl hobbit laughed. R2-D2 felt a strange sensation in his wiring he had never felt before. He knew this is what humans must call love.

The rest of the group was walking off but R2-D2 stayed behind. No one noticed.

"We've been walking for hours. Yet the Sithpthh continues to elude us." Mace Windex said.

"Hidden the Sithphh lord is. Powerful he may be." Yoda said like a smart old person.

JarJar suddenly says, "Messa feel seasick." He wobbled back and fell behind some bushes.

"JarJar are you ok?" Queen Amygdala asks.

The group walked forward and found themselves at the edge of a cliff.

"Where could Jar Jar have gone?" Queen Amygdala wondered.

"Oopsies!" Jar Jar bounded forward with lightening speed and pushed everyone off the cliff, they fell screaming.

JarJar began to laugh maniacally. "Messa gonna kill you all now."

Yoda hung to a branch while Mace Windex held the queen from falling. Obe-Won clutched the side of the cliff.

"Make it up, we must." Yoda said.

They forced jumped to the top of the cliff. Windex threw Queen Amydala to the side.

JarJar faced them now wearing dark Sithpthh robes and holding a red light saber.

"You are the dark Sithphh we seek." Yoda pressed the button to turn on his light saber.

"This is impossible." Mace Windex said in shock.

"Issa no impossible, Messa is Darth Jar Jar. The emperor of the dark side." Jar Jar Stinks said proudly.

"Jar Jar no! It can't be!" Queen Amygdala ran forward. Jar Jar swung his dark saber and cut off her hand.

"Ahhyiiiiii" She screamed. Obe-Won rushed to her side.

"Yousa all gonna die Jedi scum!" Jar Jar said goofily.

The Jedi surrounded Jar Jar who did a silly dance. "Messa fool all of you."

Mace Windex swung his light saber but Jar Jar easily blocked it. Yoda came in to attack doing a flip and Jar Jar swung barely missing him.

"Get the Queen to safety." Mace Windex told Obe-Won.

"Messa no think so." Jar Jar rushed forward attacking with his dark saber and Obe-Won barely blocked it in time.

Mace Windex grabbed the Queen and ran while Yoda and Obe-Won blocked his path.

"Yousa gonna pay for dat." JarJar warned. Lightening came out of his fingers zapping Yoda and Obe-Won.

"To powerful he is." Yoda grunted in pain. "How did this happen Jar Jar? You were our friend." Obe-Won asked kneeling in pain.

"Yousa fools. Jar Jar is no one's friend." Jar Jar began remembering the events which led him to become the most powerful Sith Lord in the galaxy.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

 **Flashback**

A young Jar Jar faces the Gumdum ruler.

"Jar Jar yousa evil and do many bad bad things. We sending you to exile." The King of the Gundum said.

"Yousa fat terd. Meesa no care." Jar Jar retorted.

"Getsa him outta here!" The King yelled.

Jar Jar was thrown unceremoniously out of the underground city.

Jar Jar later sits at a seedy bar in the slums. A figure approaches him.

"You looking to make some money?" A Vulcan dressed in a purple outfit with furs spoke.

"Leave messa alone." Jar Jar turned away.

"Look friend, My name is Captain Pickard you seem a little down on your luck. I know a way you can earn some Star Wars money."

"Howsa me do that?" Jar Jar became interested.

Jar Jar began a life of prostitution. He gave blow jobs to Banthas for the amusement of their owners. He made love to Ewok's and Slugs for Republican galleons. He became friends with Captain Pickard and some other Romulin and Borg hookers.

"You did good today." Captain Pickard patted Jar Jar on the butt.

"Jar Jar rinsed his mouth with some mouthwash. He had just finished blowing a Hippogruff."

"Here Jar Jar. I have a present for you." One of the hookers, a transvestite Ewok named Dobra gave Jar Jar a bag with some purple rocks.

"Whatsa that?" Jar Jar asked.

"It's Star Wars crack. It helps get you get in the mood and you can last longer."

"Ok meesa try it."

Dobra put some purple rocks in a futuristic looking crack pipe and lit it up. Jar Jar inhaled some smoke.

"Wow Meesa feel good." Jar Jar said.

"How about I give you a blow job?" Dobra asked. She unzipped Jar Jars pants and his weird fishy penis popped out.

"Ooooohh yeah meesa likey dat." Jar Jar moaned as Dobra blew him. The space crack was making him feel more intense. He never felt at home with the Gundum. Dobra and Captain Pickard were his new family now.

Months later Jar Jar had shriveled up. He sat in the bathroom cutting his arm with some glass. He was thinking of asking Dobra to marry him. He pocketed his ring which had a large purple crack rock on it. Dobra would be so excited to smoke it.

Suddenly there was a loud crash. Jar Jar wobbled out and saw two robed figures holding light sabers to Dobra and Captain Pickard.

"Jedi! Whatsa you doing here?" Jar Jar asked.

"This does not concern you Gundum. Captain Pickard and Dobra have stolen information vital to the republican."

"Is thisa true?" Jar Jar looked at them.

Dobra began weeping. Captain Pickard reached in his pocket to pull out a weapon. The Jedi attacked. Dobra ran forward to protect Picard and they both got sliced in two.

"Nooooooooooo!" Jar Jar screamed in horror. Not his only two friends in the world.

"Yousa Jedi killed my friends! Meesa hate you!" Jar Jar was furious.

"Come on let's go." The Jedi spoke to the other Jedi and they left.

Jar Jar cradled Dobra in his arms and wept. She had such big dreams. She was saving up for gender reassignment surgery. Now it was to late.

"Isa hate all Jedi. They pay for this!"

Jar Jar began taking martial arts and vowed to get revenge on the Jedi. He decided to take a much deserved break and was walking through the town of Naboobs. A voice called him from an alleyway.

"Jar Jar Stinks. Might I gave a word?"

Jar Jar proceeded with caution.

"Whatsa you want?" Jar Jar saw a dark hooded figure. He couldn't see his face.

"We have many things in common you and I. Come let us talk." The figure gestured for Jar Jar to follow him.

"Yousa better not be tricking me." Jar Jar warned. "I is taking chicken-fu."

"No trick Jar Jar." The man opened a door and Jar Jar was led inside. There was a table and two chairs with some refreshments. Jar Jar stuck out his tongue and gobbled some orange fruit.

"Have a seat Jar Jar." The person offered.

Jar Jar sat. "Whatsa you want?"

The figure slowly removed his cloak.

"Yousa emporer Palpatiny!" Jar Jar said in shock.

"That's right Jar Jar. I brought you here because we share the same enemy. The Jedi."

"Meesa hate Jedi scum!" Jar Jar remembered Dobra and Pickard.

"What if I told you, you could have revenge on the Jedi? That one day you could serve on the senate as I do. I see a great destiny ahead of you Jar Jar. I sense you have the power of the dark side within you."

"Messa listening."

"No one would suspect a Gundum of working for the dark side. I need you to integrate yourself into the Jedi. Help them in any way you can. Then when the time is right we shall strike. I will train you how to use the dark side and you will become unstoppable."

"Meesa likey this plan."

"Very good!" The emporer said. "From this day forward you will be known as Darth Darth Binks."


End file.
